Dear Avery,
I wish I could tell you I was big and brave and confident with this new life growing inside of me. I really thought I would be. I already have you. And the proof is in the pudding -- my body can in fact do this.
And I wasn't planning for anything more just yet anyway. I already have you! I don't need anything more. So why am I such an anxious mess?
As it turns out, it isn't really about need at all. No, sweetheart, it's about love. I already love this new little life inside of me. I love it with all of my being. I love it like I love you. And to tell you the truth, I am scared to death of losing it.
I've experienced both sides of the coin. I've lost a life inside of me. And I've tasted the miracle that this tiny life could be. How can I not want that again?
One of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn is this one -- there are no guarantees. You can hope. You can want. You can plan. You can pray. But in the end, there are certain things you just can't control. Unfortunately the miracle of life is one of them. I guess that's what makes it a miracle, right?
So yes, I am scared. I am anxious. I am worried. I am counting down the hours to my first ultrasound on Friday. But...I do believe in miracles.
And you, sweet girl, are my reason why.
Love,
Mommy
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