I used to worry about postpartum depression. I worried that without working, I'd be sitting at home all day bored to death. I feared that I would desperately miss interacting with other adults. I was afraid I would get frustrated with you. Bored. Lonely.
Turns out, though, the only postpartum thing I have is postpartum euphoria. I love being at home with you. I am the happiest and fullest I've ever been. I love our walks together. I love playing with you. I love singing to you and dancing around crazy to make you laugh. I love feeding you and bathing you and dressing you and putting little bows in your hair. I don't even mind changing your stinky diapers. I love being the one to take care of you. I just love all of it.
I've done a good job making friends and keeping busy. We have lunch with Grammy every Wednesday. We see Auntie Shannon and Carter and Mason (and now Hadley!) all the time. We go to Weight Watchers every week. We have playdates with our neighbors. We go to story hour at the library. And we'll be starting a play group soon. I think you're starting to be a little social butterfly just like your mommy.
Sure there are little frustrations here and there. Sometimes you won't eat. Or nap. And sometimes you scream. But when you do, I am the one that gets to soothe you. I rock you back and forth and tell you over and over, "Mama's right here."
I love that I'm right here. And when you smile up at me, all of that other stuff just disappears. There's no place else I'd want to be.
Before I was your mommy, though, I had another job. I was a teacher. For 10 years. I loved what I did. I was good at it and I was proud of myself for that. Daddy and I made the decision together for me to take this year off. We decided to do it as a gift to you. I wanted to save all of my time and energy and give it to you during this first year of your life. Daddy wanted you to be cared for by me, not some stranger.
Turns out, this year is a gift to me too. A gift to our whole family I think. As Daddy likes to say, "a happy wife is a happy life." We're pretty happy around here, Avery.
Yesterday we went for a visit to my old school (you were quite a hit with all the ladies and all the kids!) and I realized this. I really don't miss it. It was fun to see my friends. But I don't want to spend my days teaching other people's children. I want to spend my days teaching you.
Someday I may decide to do both. I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. But for now I want you to know how much I just love being your mother. It is the best job in the world.
I love you.
Love,
Mommy
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