Dear Avery -- 4 months old

Dear Avery,

You are 4 months old now. You are rolling all over the place, cooing to your "friends", reaching for your toys, trying to hold your bottle on your own, smiling at every new face and always, always laughing at your daddy.

Right now you are sleeping away in your crib, Daddy is on the road, the snow is falling and the house is quiet.

Next week Daddy and I are going away on a trip. I wish you could come with us. But you wouldn't like it very much. It will be hot and sandy and unfamiliar. And your toys wouldn't fit in our suitcase anyway.

So you will stay with Nana and Papa. I know you will love it there. They will shower you with hugs and cuddles and kisses. They will feed you and sing to you and play with you and read you bedtime stories. They will love you to pieces every minute of every day that we are gone.

I'm hoping you won't even miss us. I pray that you are too young to recognize our absence and that you will just be happy to be fed and bathed and loved. I think this is going to be a whole lot harder for me than it will be for you. I'm going to hate leaving you. It's going to just break my heart. 

But I promise to come back. And when I do, I will be rested, rejuvenated and even more in love with your daddy than I already am. I'll also be more in love with you. I will be full of energy and ready to give you my undivided attention and cherish all of our little moments together. I can't wait for that giant toothless smile of yours and those big bright eyes to welcome me home. I am going to swoop you right up and hold you close to me and kiss you all over. 

And you won't even remember that I was ever gone.

I love you.

Love,

Mommy.

Dear Avery -- tummy bug :(

Dear Avery,

It's been a rough week. You are sick with a tummy bug and it just seems to be lingering and lingering. Daddy had to go away to Maine for work so it's just me and you, sweetheart. 

Last night was the worst of it. (I hope) There I was with you in the bathroom. Both of us dripping in puke. A puddle on the floor. Your diaper filled with diarrhea. Your body arched in pain. Your screams breaking my heart. Your little helpless face begging me to fix it.

And it hit me.

This is motherhood. Raw and pure and true. This is what it's all about. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a magician. I have neither a prescription pad nor a magic wand. I can't always just make it all go away. The only thing I have to offer you is a mother's love. 

And in that smelly, messy, panicky moment, I had never loved you more. 

My job as your mother is to love the hell out of you. Literally. Love that tummy bug HELL right out of you. And so that's what I'm going to do. No matter how many sleepless nights, dirty diapers and loads of laundry it takes, I am going to love you back to health.

After I got us all cleaned up, I called Auntie Shannon to come over with some medicine. And then I wrapped you up in a towel and I held you close to me. And loved you.

By the time she got here, you were all smiles again. My happy little girl. The tummy bug isn't gone yet. You still don't feel so good. But even so, you are happy. 

And let me tell you, you are so very loved. 

Love,

Mommy

my rolling queen

Inauguration Day

Dear Avery,

Today is a monumental day in history. It is the day Barack Obama became the first black president of the United States of America.

Normally I try not to let you watch too much TV. Today you are feeling a bit under the weather and we have been on the couch all morning watching the inauguration. I made no effort to turn you away from the television like I usually do. I know you won't remember this and I know you can't understand it yet. But someday you will proud that you witnessed it.

I've never been very big into politics. I've see a lot of presidents come and go. I hate to admit this, but I never really cared all that much. I turned the channel when the president spoke. It was boring. I wasn't interested in what he had to say because he was never speaking to me.

Today was different. Not only was I watching and paying attention and letting you watch with me, but I had real tears rolling down my face. Tears of joy. Tears of hope. Tears of pride. He was speaking to me. He was speaking to you. And I was listening.

Of all the things I used to teach my 1st graders, the story of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was my absolute favorite. He was a hero. He still is a hero. I had the privilege of witnessing his dream coming to life in my classroom every single year. Friendship and kindness and love existed beyond any boundaries. Innocent hearts know no color. Barack Obama wasn't elected because he is black. He was elected because he is good.

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream for the future. I have a dream for the future too. I have a dream for your future. 

Like so many others, I dream for a better tomorrow.

Barack Obama's America is the one I dream for you. I am so proud to share this day with you.

Love,

Mommy

Your new friend

You're famous!!!

Dear Avery -- 3.5 months old

Dear Avery,

Yesterday you had your very first big BUMP. You hit that beautiful little head of yours on the family room floor. HARD!!! You screamed bloody murder. Even a dance with your daddy in the mirror didn't make you all better.

It wasn't like I had my back turned or anything. We were playing together on your playmat. I was holding your hands! But still, it happened. And boy did I feel terrible. I'm your mother -- isn't it my job to protect you???

The answer to that, I'm afraid, is yes and no. Unfortunately that won't be your last bump in life. I wish I could spare you from all pain, but the reality is you will have your fair share of skinned knees, stubbed toes and broken hearts just like everybody else. I can do everything in my power to cushion your falls (and I will!) but I can't always stop you from falling.

What I can do, though, is hold you close, rock you in my arms and kiss away your tears when you do fall. That's what I did for you yesterday. 

And it's what I will do for you forever and ever. I love you so much sweet girl.

Love,

Mommy

big time giggles!

This is the very best sound in the whole wide world -- your laugh, not my singing!

Dear Avery -- Happy 2009!

Dear Avery,

How do I sum up 2008? A year of excitement. A year of wonder. A year of anticipation. 2008 was a year of big changes in the world. Our first black president. The tanking of the economy. Michael Phelps defining new limits.

It was a year of big changes in my world too. It was the year I became a mother. It was the year I got to watch Daddy fall in love all over again. 2008 was the year of you.

How could 2009 ever top that? Well that's the best part. 2009 will be the year of you too. It will be the year of your first steps and your first words and your first birthday. It will hold so many treasures for us. And so will 2010 and 2011 and 2012 and so on and so on.

Every year will be the year of you. Your are ours forever. I really am the luckiest mommy on earth.

I love you.

Love,

Mommy